TRIGGER WARNING Details of an attack ⚠️
Last night it happened again. Why does this keep happening and why can’t I prevent it from happening again?
I was tired but relaxed, wearing my comfy pajamas and watching a kids show with my son. Not stressed, not worried. Nothing that would trigger such a terrifying attack.
As it forced its way through my body I could tell this was going to be a “big one” and I better act fast if I wanted to “fight it”.
Not wanting my son to watch me go through this, like he has so many times before, I grabbed my glass of water and went to my room.
I noticed on my dresser a sticky note that I had written on. It had one word. BREATHE. I sat on the bed, took a sip of my water, and closed my eyes.
Breathe in, breathe out. I was determined to try this time. Determined to apply the techniques I learned during my counseling sessions. Breathe in, breathe out. I took another sip of water. I find that drinking water helps. I continued to breathe slowly.
Both feet touching the floor I wiggled my toes. Not sure why but I guess I was making sure I could feel them. My body was tingling and I couldn’t stop my legs from shaking. Why was my heart pounding in my ears? Was I dying? Why was I so cold.? Once again, I took another sip of water. I felt nauseous, was I getting sick? Was I going to pass out and was my son going to find me on the ground dead? Was I dreaming? Why did I feel like I was having an out of body experience?
The thoughts kept running through my mind. I’m scared and I want it to stop. I needed to get calm, I needed to breathe, and I needed more water.
Once again I sat with my eyes closed, trying to control my emotions and trying to breathe. Telling myself this will pass, I have been through this before, I am ok, I am ok, I am ok, and I drank more water.
Seems like hours have passed but it was only minutes. Finally the shaking starts to slow down and my breathing is almost normal. Im not as cold and I’m not as scared. I made it. Im still here. I survived another another panic attack.
Even though this happened last night and I feel much better today, I’m worried about the next time it happens. After every attack, I feel like this, to afraid to leave the house at least for a few days. I think about one of my favorite quotes:
“Nothing changes if nothing changes”Author unknown
Do I stay inside to scared to leave or do I leave and not be scared? Today I choose to not be scared.
If you experience panic attacks or anxiety, always remember your not alone. So many of us suffer from it and no matter how scared we are we always pull through.