My Addiction Story

Break Free
Break Free From Addiction

It was a complete shock to everyone when I started using.  I was the “good girl”, the one people were proud of for never getting involved with drugs.

I had managed to get through my teenage years and my 20’s without using, so why did I start when I did?  

People don’t usually know why they start, it just sorta happens. But for me, I was tired.  Tired of the OCD, tired of the thoughts, the rituals, the physical and mental pain.  I was tired of being stressed, I was just plain tired.

Drugs weren’t offered to me. This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I actually went out looking for it. Nobody in my circle of friends used, and nobody new I was struggling mentally. Not anyone. Nobody new I had OCD. I was suffering in my head alone, and I was miserable.

Maybe I thought that using would make my OCD magically go away.  Maybe I thought life would be more bearable, or maybe I thought all my problems would be solved. Maybe I wasn’t really thinking at all.

I set out on my search and found it much faster than I thought. I had no clue what I was doing, but I was quickly showed how, and how much to use. I was really scared. I’m always scared to try new medication so trying drugs was even scarier. I went home, and tried just a pinch of what I was told. Next day I tried a little more, and a little more……

Unfortunately for me, I got hooked fast, and started on a downward spiral even faster. I put off family, friends, appointments, pretty much everything unless drugs were involved. My addiction became my priority. I started loosing everything.

Finally the time came and I hit my rock bottom.  I always heard of that place I just didn’t think I would end up there.

Rock bottom is not a good place to be. Its cold, dark, and painful. Once again I felt alone, only this time I really was. 

It’s never to late to ask for help.

I new it was time for change, and I new I needed help.  I was alone and scared, and I new I was in a way worse situation than I was before I started using. It was time for me to get help with my addiction, and finally seek treatment for my mental illness. 

So, that’s exactly what I did. I called and wrote letters to rehabs. I explained I had no money, no way to pay, but I wanted help. I explained the situation I was in, and I was persistent. A residential treatment facility offered me a scholarship to their program. Meaning they would accept me for free. Finally, a step in the right direction.

I worked hard, got clean, and worked even harder to get back what I had lost. I then found a doctor that I was comfortable opening up to.  I opened up for the first time about my OCD, and all the things I was dealing with in my head, and I also started seeing a therapist.

Today I am proud to say I have almost 13 years clean.  I am proud of the steps I took to get here.  It was a lot of hard work, but I did it and I’m so happy I did.

I still struggle mentally, but I rather struggle clean and surrounded with loved ones, than to struggle with a foggy head, all alone.

I’m sharing this part of my life because I want other addicts to know there is hope. If your using because your wanting to escape your worries or fears, or you think by self medicating yourself everything will be better, take it from me, your wrong.  It makes it so much worse. I have never heard someone say drugs made their life better, have you?

Drugs are NOT the answer. It may mask things temporarily but eventually that mask will come off and all your issues will still be there, plus possibly some new ones, lots of new ones.

It’s not worth it.

Drug will NOT make things better, it will only add to your problems.

If you or someone you know has an addiction problem and/or mental health issues, please talk to someone.  Please get help. I say this often, reach out, speak up, and get help.  You don’t have to go through it alone.

Life is waiting for you. Enjoy it sober

Published by WebbBlogs

Just learning how to enjoy life with ocd. My mental health has been interfering with my daily activities for far to long and now that Im 50 its about time I start enjoying life and taking chances.

12 thoughts on “My Addiction Story

  1. Great point you made that you were able to get addicted even though you weren’t in the traditionally risky areas of life and no one was coercing you. I’m hiding from my ptsd using alcohol and although I’ve never used drugs in my life so far, I’m so tempted to squash the pain with them. Good read, good timing, thAnk you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello JJ, I am so sorry for your struggles. If you ever need to talk or anything reach me at the page attached to my icon picture. I am a recovered addict and a retired addiction counselor. Again, I am so sorry for your struggles. Blessings and honor, Christine C Sponsler

      Like

  2. Thank you for sharing your story! I just lost my brother six months ago to heroin. He was 24 and had 4 children under 4 years old. Hopefully your inspiration will help someone make better choices BEFORE it becomes a problem.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So sorry for your loss Amanda. It breaks my heart that so many young people loose their lives to that awful drug. I truly hope I can help at least one person by sharing my story. Than you for commenting.

      Like

    2. Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother to heroine also (2005, his age was 26). If you ever need to talk or anything reach me at the page attached to my icon picture. I am a recovered addict and a retired addiction counselor. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Blessings and honor, Christine C Sponsler

      Like

  3. Thank you for sharing this! I too am also an addict, fortunately currently in recovery. It’s brave of you to put this out here; I really admire it. You never know who you might help by sharing this. I hope to one day be as open about my struggles as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. SO MANY of the people in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous were those suffering from an overwhelming inability to deal with the emotional aspects of life. Seemed to me: Addicts FEEL more deeply… and thus must medicate to not live in constant overwhelm.

    Drugs do help alleviate the pain – as does shopping, sex, work, food, crafts, procrastination, drama, pets… there are many “drugs” out there. The trick is finding a way to not allow the many “drugs” we use to cope… become a crutch that ends up crippling. And sticking with the use of “drugs” that allow us to function in a way that is not debilitating.

    The trick with drugs like heroin, meth, opiods is that they can take a life without intention… things can go too far QUICKLY and unintentionally. But food can kill too – just on a longer timeframe. Pets can kill if we have too many and create a situation where health is in jeopardy. Working too much can kill supportive relationships that bring comfort and ease. It’s not the drugs… it’s the addiction to escape.

    Finding ways to deal with the overwhelm like OCD is preferable to masking it. Drugs aren’t bad in and of themselves, it’s how we abuse them that creates the stigma of “drugs are bad”. I think of many who have gotten addicted have done so because alternatives to deal with the overwhelm (or OCD, or pain, or trauma, etc.) are largely unavailable or inaccessible.

    It’s good to hear you reclaiming your life. Blessed be as you continue to find good solutions.

    Keep writing. It’s the best drug I’ve found to resolving many of my ails.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. As a recovered (yes, recovered by the blood of Jesus) addict and retired addiction counselor this post brought pure joy to my heart. Your struggles through it and having 13 years is such an accomplishment and I hope you know this. You are not alone. Blessings and honor, Christine C Sponeler

    Like

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