Reflecting On Life

I am sitting on my porch drinking my morning coffee and reflecting on my life.

Where the heck has the time gone? What have I accomplished thats worth bragging about?  And what kind of excitement have I experienced lately?

As I sit here pondering these things, I’m left feeling slightly disappointed.

You see when I started this blog back in January, I had goals. I had plans. I had decided I wanted change, and realized that nothing changes if nothing changes. (One of my favorite quotes.)

I told myself now that I’m 50 it’s time to find my joy. Part of that meant it was time to address my mental health issues and learn to live with it, without it controlling me.

Well here I am 6 months later realizing nothing much has changed.

Yes, I have been working on my OCD and trying to not let it control me. Have I succeeded?  No, not really.

Yes, I have been working on my other mental issues, like my anxiety and my panic attacks. Am I happy with the results?  No, not really.

And finally, yes, I have been working on my social life, trying to get out and have more fun and find my joy. Have I accomplished this? Have I even came close? No, not really.

A good friend once said, “Your going to wake up one day and wonder where the years have gone. Your going to realize you let your anxiety keep you from enjoying life. There’s a huge beautiful world out there, and your missing out because you won’t take a chance and let yourself enjoy it”  I remember his words so perfectly. It really stuck with me.  It stuck with me because he was right.

I keep letting my mental illnesses keep me from reaching my goals, my hopes, and my dreams. Heck, I’m not even sure what my hopes and dreams are anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I’m all talk and no action because I keep saying I want to get better but I also keep letting it control and scare me.

So my question to myself today is, what am I going to do about it?

I have to set out and try to accomplish some of these goals. I have to take that first step towards the things I want to achieve. I have to try. I have to stop saying I’m going to do it. I need to actually do it. I have also said this before but hopefully this time it will be different.

Now here’s the thing.  Dealing with mental health problems is hard. Very very hard. It’s also very scary. I need to take that step out of my comfort zone, deal with the fears, and explore change. I need to stand up and take a chance at living a more happier fulfilling life.

I think what I have been doing is expecting huge results immediately. And when I don’t get those results when and how I expect it, I shut down, get frustrated, and quit. I need to really start recognizing the small victories no matter how tiny they may be and try not to forget about it the next day. I tend to recognize victories for about a minute and then poof that memory fades.

I always try and leave my posts on a positive note. So here it goes. It’s totally fine if you don’t accomplish your goals on time. What matters is that you tried. Its totally fine to take smaller steps, to make smaller goals, because at least your trying.  And trying is better than doing nothing at all.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Again.

Have a fantastic week!

#mentalhealthmatters

Reach out, speak up, and ask for help.

Published by WebbBlogs

Just learning how to enjoy life with ocd. My mental health has been interfering with my daily activities for far to long and now that Im 50 its about time I start enjoying life and taking chances.

32 thoughts on “Reflecting On Life

  1. It sounds like you are working on it and just not getting the exact results you are looking…just keep plugging away. I always say life is like a roller coaster, it has its ups and down and sometimes it whirls us around.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You are correct in that every new day, is a new start. Every morning we wake up, we are given new opportunities. We may not reach the goals we set, but as long as we tried, that counts. Yes, we get frustrated, but as long as we don’t give up, we’re winning.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. This post was much needed for me to read today. I sometimes forgets that the small things I do is good enough and that I have to keep working with not letting my OCD control my life.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Effort is progress!! You are doing good my friend.

    My Gurudeva, Paramahansa Yogananda, was always against using negative thoughts and words. And I read this about two decades back in Power of Sub-Conscious Mind too. This changed my life.
    Please look at not focusing on your mental issues and don’t keep saying or thinking you have all these issues. Instead try to use positive affirmations like : I am happy, healthy and whole.
    I am organised and productive.
    I love people and am loved etc etc.

    And above all meditate!

    Love and blessings 💖🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I could relate to a lot in this post when it comes to not feeling satisfied with the result after so long. My battle with depression was one that spanned many years despite me only being a teenager. I wanted everything to instantly be better after every new psychologist I saw but it didn’t really work out that way. I’m glad that you’ve also realised that it’s okay that these things take time. You are facing some extreme challenges – be easy on yourself. You’re right – you should celebrate the small victories. You definitely deserve too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sitting here, having just read your last post, I think of myself. I suppose that’s why I blog. It gives me the chance to write about what’s happening in my life and for me, that’s my therapy. As someone who is turning 60 later this year and wondering what I’ve done with my life, I understand some of what you’re feeling. One of the low points in my life was getting divorced but it’s also where I learned to “trust my gut”. To this day, whether I’m parenting my kids or working on myself, I always “trust my gut”. No one knows you better than you. Just wanted to share. Take care and stay safe.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I always say that there are no ordinary moments and that we meet and connect with the people we need at one point or another in our life. What you say speaks volumes to me and I see a younger self in your words.
    The questions that come up such as “is this it, is this all there is to life, what are my goals,” etc. is your soul nudging you to reevaluate and to have the courage to follow your own guidelines and values instead of those instilled through our first adulthood and those passed on by the expectations of society and our families.
    I have a chronic illness and know what it means to stand on my own. How scary it can be and how stressful. You have a lot of soul searching to do and this time could be a great opportunity for you to work towards a life that is more meaningful and fulfilling. You can’t expect it to happen overnight and you need to learn to be gentle with yourself. To be understanding, become your best friend, give yourself another chance and to be forgiving for what you might consider a failure. You need to learn to celebrate the little wins, prioritize what is most important for you right now and set realistic smart goals. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself and allow shortcomings to make you feel like a failure. And don’t let society dictate to you how you ought to be and behave. You are perfect already and everything you need is inside of you. Best wishes, I’m rooting for you and I know you can walk the path meant for you. Hugs 💙

    Liked by 4 people

      1. You are very welcome and I am most glad that my words resonated with you. They came from someone who has and continues to walk the same path as you are. I could recognize the similarities and had to share. That’s what it’s all about and like I said there are no ordinary moments. I can’t wait to read more either and wish you a peaceful weekend.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Just went back and read some older posts. I also read your about me page. The post A Conversation with God was was absolutely amazing. Beautifully written, really grabbed me and spoke to me. Looking forward to reading more 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much. I am not surprised you related to this post. It’s so relevant to how we all feel at times even though everything happens for a reason and it’s amazing how strong we can be when being strong is all we have left. 🙏🏼🦋

        Liked by 2 people

  8. These kinds of things definitely take time. I’ve gone through depression multiple times before and I used to see all of the time that I spent struggling as wasted days and hours. But when you’re going through tough times and having to face extremely tough challenges – then merely making it through to the end of the day and taking things one step at a time is already an achievement to be proud of. Don’t worry, by just coming to this realisation, you’re already doing great ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  9. So, I wanted to share something with you. Before a worldwide pandemic, I was busy. Too busy. Every night there was something I “had” to do. Church. Special Olympics practices for my daughter. Plus whatever else we felt we couldn’t miss.

    And, then everything stopped. You know what else stopped?

    My anxiety and hers.

    I realized I didn’t have to be out every night to experience “life.” I saw the impact of staying home and having conversations with my daughter instead of being too distracted by driving and “having to be somewhere.”

    My life is better now and I have no fear of missing out. Where I am supposed to be, I am supposed to be. God makes sure I’m there.

    Sure. My friends mention about going to everything and all the things they do while we stay home. They also complain a lot about how tired they are.

    I wanted to share this with you because YOU have your path, and I am here to fully support you on it. I am by no means healed of all of my anxiety or panic attacks, but I can see the light.

    Thank you for your authenticity. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love that “everyday you wake up, is a new start”. For me, I love saying “every opportunity is a rare opportunity”. That’s really helped me seize every moment and get joy out of small things.

    Liked by 1 person

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