Happy Friday everyone! How was your week? Mine sort of flew on by, which is a little strange considering I didn’t do much besides my daily activities. My same boring, daily routine.
Our weather here in California has been much cooler. We had a couple days of high winds but other than that our weather was in the high 70’s low 80’s. Much better than the 90’s and 100’s we were having.
Since I did a whole lot of nothing all week, this weekend I’m taking my pre-teen on an hour drive to the mountains. Just one road all the way up. It’s such an easy drive, not much traffic, and the scenery is absolutely beautiful. I use to take this drive a couple times a month, back when my anxiety was barely making an appearance.
Last night my anxiety kept me awake, tossing and turning. I was worried about leaving and being so far from home. I kept going over worse case scenarios over and over in my head.
I’m scared I will have a panic attack. I’m scared I will have one when I’m on the country road. What if I have one while at the restaurant? What if I have one on the way home? What if I have such a horrible panic attack and it causes me to pass out? What if there’s nobody around but my son? Will he know what to do? Will he be scared? Those plus many more are the thoughts that kept running through my mind, causing me to lose sleep. Causing my tiredness today. Those are the thoughts that someone with anxiety experiences. Thoughts that can keep, and have kept, someone like me a prisoner in my home, to afraid to leave, to afraid of the “what if’s ” that circle my mind.
I already told my son about our little trip. I don’t want to cancel it. I have canceled so many times before due to my anxiety. I don’t want to disappoint him again. He is very understanding and knows about my anxiety, but I can’t keep backing out of things with him, I can’t let my anxiety win.
My stomach is in knots, and my brain is full of “what if’s”, but I AM GOING. I am going to take my son on a beautiful drive to the mountains. I am going to have lunch, I am going to explore the town, and I am going to spend some much needed quality time with my son.
I will do my very best to live in the moment. I will do my very best to not worry about the future or things that may or may not happen. I will be okay.
FAITH OVER FEAR
If anyone is reading this and has similar issues as I do, I know how scary it can be. But we can not let out mental health control us, we can’t let it stop is from enjoying life. Step outside your comfort zone. Live in the moment. Don’t be a prisoner in your mind. Live life and find your joy, even if you have to take baby steps. One step at a time. We can do it.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, please Reach Out, Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone.
Have a fantastic weekend!