My last session with my counselor didn’t go how I was expecting it would. I thought I was going to vent, to share all the boring details that go on in my life. But soon as I sat down, he told me the news. The sad news. Well sad for me, wonderful for him. He accepted a job offer, a promotion, with another office. He would be moving on and moving away. Tears began to fill my eyes.
Tears. Lots of them. The news made me sad. I felt as if my best friend was leaving, moving far away from me. I shared a lot with my counselor over the years. 5 years to be exact.
Less than a year ago I went through something similar with my family physician. My doctor of 11 years also moved. He, opened a practice hundreds of miles away. I took that news hard too. He was the first medical professional that I ever opened up to about my OCD, and he was the only physician I met that actually listened to what I had to say by giving me his full attention. He listened, he cared, and he helped me.
Anyways, lets go back to my counselor. He has listened to me share my personal struggles, feelings, things that I have gone through in life . Whether it was good or bad, I shared it with him. There were times I couldn’t wait for our session to start because I had so much I wanted to share with him. Like I mentioned, it wasn’t just the bad things, I shared a lot of good things as well.
So where does this leave me now? It leaves me feeling alone. For the first time in a while I feel like I’m alone and have nobody to talk to.
My circle of friends is shrinking. Some have moved away, some have relapsed, and some I just don’t want to bother or worry. That’s what was so great about having a counselor to confide in. He was there when I didn’t want to impose on friends.
Now I have to begin the process of finding another counselor. This is very difficult for me, and I am not looking forward to.
When I meet with a counselor for the first time, I am usually quiet, only talking when it’s really necessary. I like to observe, see what he/she is like and see if they hold the key qualities that I need or want.
I like to see what their personality is like. I want to make sure it is compatible with mine.
I want to feel like I am being heard. Since I will be sharing details of my life, I want my counselors attention. I’m going to be sharing personal experiences, some good and some bad. I want to be understood and acknowledged. I want to feel comfortable and be able to be myself. And I have to feel a connection.
It may seem like I am asking for to much, or maybe I am being picky. I know the above paragraph is full of “Wants”. But, I feel its okay to be picky especially since I will be opening up and discussing some important issues with this person. And because of these things, I feel like its ok to be picky. It’s perfectly acceptable to look for certain qualities. At least that’s how I feel.
When I finally do meet with someone new, I will have an open mind. I’m not going to compare the new to the old. I will give everyone a chance, I know nobody is perfect. I will find another counselor I know I will. But, I really hate having to start all over again.
I know Im not alone, I just feel like I am. I know if I really need to talk, there are people in my life that are here for me. I know I’m not completely alone. I just don’t like bothering or worrying my loved ones. But if these feelings of loneliness continue, I will Reach Out, Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Because I know, Nobody Should Go Through It Alone. and I also know I’m going to be just fine. These lonely feelings are temporary. I have felt like this before and I always come out of it just fine. Just like I know I will this time. I will be ok, I always am.
Thank you so much for reading this far into my post. Writing down these feelings and releasing all the things that are troubling me has been very helpful for me. Almost therapeutic. So once again, thank you.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Mental Health Matters
Reach out, Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone.