I read this post last night over at I highly recommend anyone that has addiction in their life, whether your the addict or you know someone, to read the following re-blog from Joseph’s page. When your done, don’t forget to check out some of his other great posts. He writes from experience and shares his own thoughts and opinions about addiction and recovery.

And now for for the re-blog……….

The following was copied from my column. I write for a local treatment newsletter. Close your eyes and allow your mind to scroll back to the past, back to the world of drugs and crime. Whether last month or last year, let’s journey back to the inescapable emptiness of getting high. Do you have such […]

Acquiesce To Recovery

Things I Think About

I wonder if…..

Do you ever just sit and wonder about people? Wonder what goes on in their lives? What goes on in their head? What are they thinking? Are they worried? Scared? Nervous? Or are they excited and happy? I know it may seem a little strange, but I am guilty of this. Very very guilty. I always find myself wondering what it’s like in someone else’s mind.

Whether it be someone I know, or complete strangers, I wonder if they are experiencing the same things as I do?


The couple walking their dog in the neighborhood, do they count silently in their heads? Or maybe they are repeating verses quietly with each step they take without the other one even knowing? Is she looking at him wondering if his head is “normal”? Is he thinking the same thing of her?


The man playing ball with his child, or the woman playing in the sandbox with her toddler, are their brains telling them if they don’t do this or don’t do that, then this or that might happen?  Are they secretly worried of the “what if’s”?


The man that was driving behind me, was he terrified that he just hit someone even though he didn’t see anyone? He didn’t feel anything hit his car, but did he turn around anyway just to make sure? Even though he made sure, does he still think he hit someone?


The young woman that lives around the corner with her parents, is she scared to leave her house? Is she worried she will leave and not make it back? Does she stay home because she thinks home is the only place she is safe?


Could it possibly be that I am the only one that wonders these things? Am I the only one that has experienced some of these things?  Is it possible there is nothing scary or questionable going on in anyone’s mind but my own? Are their thoughts normal? What is normal?


Is everyone “normal” except for me?


Is it quite in people’s head? Complete silence? No congestion, no noise, no worries, no stress, and no thoughts? Is it just SILENT?

I have been jealous, angry, and confused.  Why does that person have good health, a normal life, and most of all a normal brain?

I have thought about this things so many times I lost count. I have asked myself these questions numerous times. This is what I finally came up.

We don’t know what others are going through. We don’t know if it’s good or bad. We can’t assume someone has a perfect life just because they look happy. They might be good at hiding it. They put on a smile and go about their day.

They could be worried about a cheating spouse, a health concern, an addiction thats out of control, a very important decision that needs to be made. They might be hurting physically. And it is possible they might be suffering silently with a mental illness.

We don’t know what somebody else is going through. They may seem happy and full of life, while deep down they are hurting.

So we can’t compare ourselves.  Don’t wonder what is going on in their life, in their brain. It will not solve your problems and it won’t solve mine.

Appreciate your life. Appreciate LIFE. There are plenty of things to appreciate and plenty to be grateful for. 

We need to work and focus on our own issues and find ways to improve our situations. Lets work on ways to find our happiness and most of all lets learn to love ourselves.

Have a spectacular week and start writing things you are grateful for. I started doing this and I find it very helpful. Today I am grateful for Life.

I also want to say a special thanks to my mom. Thank you for pointing out that sometimes things are not what it seems, nobody is perfect, appreciate what you have rather than what you don’t have. Very good things to remember. ❤

If you or someone you know is struggling, Speak Up, Reach Out, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone.


My Addiction Story

Break Free
Break Free From Addiction

It was a complete shock to everyone when I started using.  I was the “good girl”, the one people were proud of for never getting involved with drugs.

I had managed to get through my teenage years and my 20’s without using, so why did I start when I did?  

People don’t usually know why they start, it just sorta happens. But for me, I was tired.  Tired of the OCD, tired of the thoughts, the rituals, the physical and mental pain.  I was tired of being stressed, I was just plain tired.

Drugs weren’t offered to me. This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I actually went out looking for it. Nobody in my circle of friends used, and nobody new I was struggling mentally. Not anyone. Nobody new I had OCD. I was suffering in my head alone, and I was miserable.

Maybe I thought that using would make my OCD magically go away.  Maybe I thought life would be more bearable, or maybe I thought all my problems would be solved. Maybe I wasn’t really thinking at all.

I set out on my search and found it much faster than I thought. I had no clue what I was doing, but I was quickly showed how, and how much to use. I was really scared. I’m always scared to try new medication so trying drugs was even scarier. I went home, and tried just a pinch of what I was told. Next day I tried a little more, and a little more……

Unfortunately for me, I got hooked fast, and started on a downward spiral even faster. I put off family, friends, appointments, pretty much everything unless drugs were involved. My addiction became my priority. I started loosing everything.

Finally the time came and I hit my rock bottom.  I always heard of that place I just didn’t think I would end up there.

Rock bottom is not a good place to be. Its cold, dark, and painful. Once again I felt alone, only this time I really was. 

It’s never to late to ask for help.

I new it was time for change, and I new I needed help.  I was alone and scared, and I new I was in a way worse situation than I was before I started using. It was time for me to get help with my addiction, and finally seek treatment for my mental illness. 

So, that’s exactly what I did. I called and wrote letters to rehabs. I explained I had no money, no way to pay, but I wanted help. I explained the situation I was in, and I was persistent. A residential treatment facility offered me a scholarship to their program. Meaning they would accept me for free. Finally, a step in the right direction.

I worked hard, got clean, and worked even harder to get back what I had lost. I then found a doctor that I was comfortable opening up to.  I opened up for the first time about my OCD, and all the things I was dealing with in my head, and I also started seeing a therapist.

Today I am proud to say I have almost 13 years clean.  I am proud of the steps I took to get here.  It was a lot of hard work, but I did it and I’m so happy I did.

I still struggle mentally, but I rather struggle clean and surrounded with loved ones, than to struggle with a foggy head, all alone.

I’m sharing this part of my life because I want other addicts to know there is hope. If your using because your wanting to escape your worries or fears, or you think by self medicating yourself everything will be better, take it from me, your wrong.  It makes it so much worse. I have never heard someone say drugs made their life better, have you?

Drugs are NOT the answer. It may mask things temporarily but eventually that mask will come off and all your issues will still be there, plus possibly some new ones, lots of new ones.

It’s not worth it.

Drug will NOT make things better, it will only add to your problems.

If you or someone you know has an addiction problem and/or mental health issues, please talk to someone.  Please get help. I say this often, reach out, speak up, and get help.  You don’t have to go through it alone.

Life is waiting for you. Enjoy it sober