The Joy Of Having Teenagers

Hello everyone, hope your morning is running smoothly. Before you read any further I must advise you to read with caution, especially if you have a weak stomach. 😄 🤣

I was sound asleep this morning dreaming of fluffy clouds and unicorns. (Not really but it sounded good) My teenage son walks into my room and wakes me up.

He wakes me up to inform me the brand new gallon of milk was junky and stunk terribly.

I wake up, look at him, half asleep and say, “Really son? You wake me up on a Saturday morning, bright and early, out of a deep sleep, to tell me about spoiled milk?” His reply, “Yea cause it stinks really bad mom and there’s junks in the microwave. Can you clean it up?”

Junks in the microwave? I didn’t even want to know what that was about haha 🤮 But he explained it to me anyway.

Apparently he was trying to surprise me by making a pot of coffee. He then decided to fancy it up a bit for me, sorta give it a cappuccino type taste. I actually prefer a regular cup first thing in the morning, but I really appreciated his thoughtfulness.

So here’s the thing. I totally understand not wanting to clean that type of mess. Spoiled milk has a disgusting puke worthy smell, and the thought of junks at 6am really can be nauseating. But did he really think I would want to clean it? Did he really feel it was necessary to wake me up?

Apparently he did. Did I get up and clean it? Ummm yes, yes I did. And, did I make him stand next to me and enjoy the aroma like I had to? Yes I sure did.

Normally he will clean his own mess and if he doesn’t I make him. However, since he was originally trying to do something nice for me, and since I wanted the mess to be cleaned properly, I got out of bed and cleaned it.

Why am I sharing this with all of you? To be perfectly honest, I have no idea. But, I will say this:

My son is 13 years old. Most teenagers don’t like spending time with their parents. My son does. And even though he can be a brat, and act like a typical teenager, I do feel blessed and I am grateful that he woke up early on a Saturday morning to make me coffee, all so I would wake up early. And why did he want me to wake up early on a Saturday morning? Because he wanted to spend the day with me.

I hope you have a fantastic weekend.

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Saying Hello/Panic Attack

In yesterday’s post Checking In, I shared about reaching a goal and not letting my anxiety interfere with my sons birthday plans. I was feeling good, actually quite proud of myself for pushing myself and the thoughts aside so I could continue on with my drive. I felt wonderful.  The whole week felt amazingly satisfying. Until last night.

How did things change so quickly and so drastically.  How can I go from feeling so brave and excited to feeling weak and terrified?

It started last night. I felt fine when I went to bed. I woke up sometime after midnight feeling scared. I got out of bed and checked on my teenager.  He was still awake playing a game. I told him it was late and it was time for him to go to bed. I then walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. And then it started.

This next part talks about my panic attack and might be a trigger to some so please read with caution or skip to the next paragraph.

My panic attacks are a little different then some peoples. I get very cold. Freezing.  Im so cold that my body shakes and its hard to talk because my teeth are chattering. I then feel a weird sensation usually starting with my feet that works its way up or it starts in my stomach. My heart beats faster. I feel this weirdness throughout my body, and then I feel it dissappear, only to come back again. Sometimes I get light headed or dizzy. I also get nauseous.  Im terrified. I think I’m going to pass out. The weirdness is very hard to explain. All the symptoms I feel frighten me. I get a feeling of not knowing if its all real or if I’m not really there. Most of my attacks feel like this but I have also had some with other symptoms as well. The whole experience lasts around 30 minutes. 

I have been getting these kind of panic attacks for over 5 years now. I have had many many different tests done on me. I kept insisting on more tests because I honestly didn’t think I was having panic attacks.  I thought it was something more serious. But every test came back normal.  Every single test.

Last night as I was going through it, I closed my eyes and felt the tears form. I knew my son was in his room and I was worried he would see me like that. But he didn’t.  I sat there trying to think happy thoughts and I tried to remember everything that I have learned to do in this kind of situation.  I “grounded” myself, I went over everything I am supposed to do when a panic attack hits me. Nothing was working.  Nothing.

I wanted to call my grown sons and have them come over. I wanted them to come sit with me. I wanted them to reassure me that I would be fine or in case I wasn’t fine, I wanted them to be here for their little brother. But as much as I wanted to call them, I didn’t. I needed to get through this, and I knew calling my boys was not the answer. I had to tough it out and get through it. Which I eventually did.

Here it is the next morning.  I’m tired and emotionally drained. Panic Attacks wear me out. I’m also worried.  I’m scared its going to happen again, because I know eventually it will. Usually when I have a big panic attack it takes me at least a week until I am ready to leave the house.  I never feel comfortable or safe enough to leave the house after an attack because I get scared it will happen while I’m away from home.

As I sit here writing this post my mind is trying to put last night behind me. I am trying to put that fear that I was feeling behind me. I am sitting in my chair reminding myself of the reasons I started my blog. I am reminded of my life and how I am trying to enjoy it, despite all my mental health issues. I am reminded of my drive the other day and how I didn’t let my anxiety hold me back. I can’t let my mental illness hold me a prisoner in my home. I have done that for far to long.

I dont want to sit inside until I feel brave enough to venture outdoors. But I also don’t want to venture outdoors and risk having another panic attack. The sun is shining, it is going to be a nice day. Do I sit in my apartment with the curtains closed, where I feel safe? Or do I go outside, feel the warmth on my face and visit a friend that I keep promising to visit?

I’m not sure what I am going to do today, but the one thing that I am sure of is that I am going to be ok. I might not feel it right now but I know I will feel better soon. I always do.

Have a wonderful day

Nightmares/Terrors

This morning I got woken up by my pre-teen son, he was yelling at me.  Not yelling to be rude or disrespectful, he was yelling to wake me up.

I was doing it again. I was screaming in my sleep. I was, once again having another nightmare. Not just any ordinary nightmare either.  I have the kind that can wake up the neighbors.

Here’s the thing. I have different types of dreams. I have regular ones that cause me to talk or mumble in my sleep. I have nightmares that cause me to yell in my sleep. And then, I have night terrors, which cause me to scream in my sleep. From what I have been told, it sounds like I’m being tortured.

Apparently, I scream so loud that my roommate in the next room, or sometimes my son, hears me, and runs into my bedroom to wake me up. Sometimes this happens several times a night. Yes, several times. But I have always been known to go many months, even almost a year, without having any at all.

I have no idea why this happens.  But I do know it started after my husband died, over 20 years ago. Don’t think it is related to his passing, but who knows.

I don’t remember all of my dreams, but when I do remember they don’t sound scary when I talk about it. For instance, in my last dream, I was trying to get home but the more I tried the further away I was from my house. I kept looking and looking but I couldn’t find my house. It doesn’t sound to scary but I was told I screamed so loud they were surprised the neighbors didn’t come check on me.

Sometimes I wonder, since most of the dreams don’t sound scary, am I only remembering parts of the dream? Am I blocking out the scary stuff?

It’s very embarrassing.  I have been doing this for years. I remember when my adult sons were little, they would wake me up because my yelling would wake them up. It scared them at first but they said they eventually got use to it.

Another time, many years ago, back when I was in my addiction, I spent the night in jail. The next morning while at breakfast, I heard some of the inmates talking. They were talking about “A crazy woman” screaming in her sleep. As they talked, more and more inmates joined the conversation saying they had heard it to. Some said the screams woke them from their sleep. Others said they thought someone was being badly beaten. They looked at me and asked if I heard it. I told them I hadn’t and kept eating my breakfast. I think they knew it was me and wanted to see if I would confess to it.  But I wasn’t about to admit to that and be known as the crazy woman in jail. I was hoping it wouldn’t happen again while I was there and luckily it didn’t. (In case your wondering, I was there for 2 days, on a misdemeanor charge that was later dismissed.)

These nightmares come at random times and it doesn’t matter if I had a good day or bad day. I have nightmares even if I fall asleep in a good mood. I also can have several of these nightmares within the same night. But the good news is that it doesn’t happen every night. Yay me!

It’s something I have gotten used to over the years.  I haven’t talked to my doctor about it because its been happening for so many years  I really doubt there’s anything they can do except prescribe medication which I really don’t want, or refer me to counseling, which I already am in.

So, there it is, another “detail” of my life I thought I would share. How many “details” is this now? OCD, Panic Attacks, Anxiety, And Addiction. Wow no wonder I’m not married. (I say jokingly)

So in closing, please remember:  You never truly know what someone is going through.  They can be smiling on the outside but dealing with “details ” on the inside.

Have any of you experienced night terrors and if so have you discussed it with your doctor? Would really like to hear about it.  You can leave a message in the comments or if you rather email me thats fine too.  Webbblogs@yahoo.com

Have a wonderful day

Mental Health Matters

Reach Out, Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone.

A Short Silly Story

I just had to share this. A silly little story that happened to me last week.

I knew daylight savings time was fast approaching.  Soon it would be time to move our clocks back an hour.  I wasn’t quite sure when we were to set the clocks back but I new it was within the next few weeks.

I woke about 3 am.  My sleep pattern has been out of wack for a couple months now so waking up at 3 wasn’t anything out of the norm.

I couldn’t fall back asleep so I made some coffee and figured I would catch up on some posts from a few of my favorite bloggers. I clicked on my WordPress app and started reading. 

Several posts were about the time change and a reminder to set the clocks back.  I didn’t realize until that exact moment that we were supposed to change our clocks that night.

Since my phone and other devices in my home automatically update the new time, I didn’t think anything else of it since there was nothing I needed to do. I ended up  falling back asleep. 

I woke a few hours later. I was surprised that I wasn’t still sleepy, considering how I was awake in the midnight hours.  I quickly remembered the time change and how I gained an extra hour of sleep. No wonder I wasn’t still tired, yay I gained an hour of needed sleep.

A couple days later I was on the phone with my mom. I brought up the time change and how that extra hour of sleep has been nice. My mom then informs me that we hadn’t changed our clocks. We don’t do so for another week.

Another week? I tell my mom we already changed the clocks, she must have her days wrong.  Because surely I can’t be wrong. But she once again explained that we did not, so I just left it at that. Not going to argue with my momma.

After we hung up I did some investigating. It turns out my mom was right. But so was I, sort of.

I first became aware of the time change while reading posts from other bloggers. Well, what I didn’t realize is the posts I was reading at that time are mainly from bloggers that live in the UK.  I live in the US.

I am 51 years old and I never knew the UK and the US did day light savings a week apart.

How funny that my mind immediately believed I wasn’t tired. How funny I felt a little refreshed by that extra hour of sleep.  The extra hour that I did not get. I went all week believing it. I wonder how I am going to feel after this weekend, when the U.S really does change the clocks back.

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to smile!

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, Reach out, Speak up, and Ask for help.  Nobody should go through it alone.