Originally posted on Avocadoable This is a re-blog definitely worth sharing. Lots of helpful tips, I highly recommend checking it out.
A lot of people ask themselves “Why do I overthink?” and never come up with an answer. But stress and worry are emotions – and you can control your emotions. As Tony Robbins says, “Let fear be a counselor and not a jailor.” It’s time to face your fears so that you can overcome them – and try […]
Earlier I posted on how I usually spend my new years eve. I am hoping this time will be different. I am hoping this time I can make it to midnight without repeating happy thoughts.
I spent most of my evening like I usually do. I started getting worried as time went by, I started getting scared because I didn’t want any bad thoughts to be in my mind at midnight. So just like I have done the past few years, I went to bed. I decided I would bring the year in asleep. That way I wouldn’t have to deal with those thoughts.
As I lay in bed I started reading my post from earlier today. I sounded so determined in that post. The more I read the more I realized that laying in bed going to sleep was not going to help me get in control of my life. Laying in bed sleeping was my way of giving in to the ocd without feeling like i was giving in. So if I want to be in control, if I want to live a happier life, is sleeping getting me closer to reach that?
Out of bed watching TV, I’m anxiously waiting. Oh how I hate this. The feelings in my body are hard to explain. My ocd tells me to close my eyes and start my mental rituals. I am not listening to it which is causing me to feel quite terrible. The ocd gets worse as it pounds in my brain to give in, give in or else. But, I am not.
It is now 11:50. It is almost midnight. Im feeling a little anxious. I am trying to let whatever thoughts are in my mind just sit there. Im trying to not be obsessed with it.
Im trying. This is hard. I knew it would be. As I sit here I keep telling myself enough is enough, no more giving in. But it’s not easy.
I have tried so hard to get my ocd under control. All year I have been making progress. I take baby-steps but at least it is progress. I want to be in control, I don’t want my ocd controlling me.
So here I sit, it is now 11:55. Normally at this time every year I would sit with my eyes closed repeating happy thoughts, over and over. Not tonight. Tonight I sit here writing my blog. Tonight I sit here and acknowledge any thought that enters my mind at midnight. Tonight I take that extra step in getting control of my life.
Do I feel scared? Yes. Do I feel anxious? Yes. Do I feel like closing my eyes and repeatedly saying happy words? Yes. But I’m not going to. Im going to sit here with whatever thought is in my head.
12:00, it is officially the new year. I am sitting here. I brought the new year in awake. Soon as it hit 12 I sat here. I’m still sitting here. But…..I gave in. My brain is so use to giving in.
I was doing just fine, sort of. But when the clock hit midnight I automatically started thinking of good thoughts. I didn’t want to take a chance of something negative entering my mind. So soon as I felt those bad thoughts creeping in, I started thinking of something happy. Just like i always do.
So did I fail at trying to sit with the thoughts? Did I fail at letting whatever thought enter my mind and not try and change it? Yes, yes I did. I failed.
As I sit here about to finish this post, I realized something. I did fail. But I also won. I didn’t bring the new year in sleeping. I didn’t spend minute after minute with my eyes closed repeating happy thoughts until the clock hit midnight. That to me sounds like a win. 2 wins actually.
Another win at taking control. I am going to continue winning little by little, step by step, I will eventually get to where I want to be.
Happy New Year!
Reach Out,Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone. Mental Health Matters
The whole time we have been in a pandemic, I have NOT been scared of getting covid. Me, the person with bad anxiety, horrible panic attacks, and of course let’s not forget about my OCD, not afraid of a pandemic? Well, that was untill recently.
I usually worry about everything. It’s really hard to believe that I wasn’t worried about getting covid. But that has now changed.
Here’s what has been going on in my mind the past few weeks…..
It’s A Little Confusing
I’m confused. The vaccinated are still getting covid, AND they are still able to spread it.
A little confusing
The non-vaccinated are still getting covid, AND they are still able to spread it.
Some vaccinated people blame it on the non-vaccinated…..
And some non-vaccinated people blame everyone…….even the vaccinated.
Did you get the vaccine?….Did you not get the vaccine? Should you get it? Should you not? Does it make a difference? Or does it not?
Some people say yes it makes a difference, and some say no it does not.
Some people feel that there’s no point of getting the vaccine because they might still get sick.
Some schools now allow the kids to sit next to each other and there are no longer plastic shields surrounding their desks. They DO need to wear their masks, but only While In Class.
While the kids are out on the playground, or while at lunch, NO masks are required and social distancing is NOT reinforced.
Confused yet? I am!
Some people are getting very sick and need hospital attention while others barely have any symptoms.
Some people have died from covid and some have died from the vaccine.
It’s all so confusing
I’m sure for those of you that don’t struggle with anxiety it may leave you confused. When you DO have anxiety let me tell you, it is confusing but also extremely scary.
So what do you do? Do you keep living in fear of the unknown? Do you take that chance with whatever decision you make and pray for the best? The choice is yours. But here is what I am going to do…..
I’m going to put my faith over my fear. I’m going to live each day and I’m going to continue to find my joy. Of course I’m still worried, scared, and on some days nervous and terrified. But I have horrible anxiety and it’s something I have to live with. I can live each day in fear or I can take each day as a blessing and pray for the best. The choice is yours and whatever choice you make I wish you the best. Don’t let fear stop you from finding your joy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, Reach Out, Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone.
Re-post I wrote this a few months back but wanted to share it again.
I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. I am so confused by it.
How can I physically feel the symptoms? How can I physically feel the pain? It feels real. It is real. I’m not lying. I’m not trying to get attention.
I Am Not Imagining It
The un-easy feeling. I feel like something is going to happen. My stomach feels like it’s in knots, then the knots turn into a nauseous feeling. I’m scared, but of what? “They” say it’s my…..ANXIETY
The lump in my throat. I could feel it, every time I swallowed, I knew it was there. I didn’t want to tell my doctor because I worried he would say I was dying. After a couple months it went away and I was so relieved. But it came back. I finally got the courage to talk to my doctor, he said it was…..ANXIETY. I didn’t believe him. Further test and an x-ray proved he was right, there was no lump. There was nothing there, it was my ANXIETY.
The weird feelings in my head. I went to the emergency room several times. I thought I had a tumor, I thought I was going to die. I had test done, and then some more because once again I still didn’t believe the doctors. They were right, everything was fine, it was my…..ANXIETY
I’m so scared, not sure what I’m scared of, but yet I’m scared of everything…..ANXIETY
Every knew pain, every old pain, even every explained pain…..ANXIETY
I’m worried about going out, worried about staying home. What if I pass out? What if I get hurt? What if you get hurt?…..ANXIETY
I’m worried about being in a crowded room, a crowded store, even more worried about being all alone. Something bad might happen, what will I do? What will my family do?…..ANXIETY
Worried about my family, worried about my friends. Are they alright? Will they be alright? ANXIETY
I’m scared of this, and scared of that. I’m scared of things I have no control over. ANXIETY
I have seen a doctor, a therapist, and I’m in counseling. They all say the same thing ANXIETY
How can anxiety cause such real intense sensations? How do I make myself believe everything I’m feeling is anxiety when I am convinced its something else? How do I accept I have extremely bad anxiety and how do I learn to live and cope with it?
Try to replace a negative thought with a positive thought.
My answer to that is I’m going to take one day at a time. I’m going to continue with counseling, and continue to think positive. I have said this before and I am saying it again, I’m going to continue to live, laugh, and find my joy. It’s going to be hard, its going to take a lot of work, but I will try, and I will keep on trying, one day at a time.
If you know someone that has anxiety, DO NOT tell them to “get over it”. DO NOT tell them they are a hypochondriac, and DO NOT tell them they are crazy. I have heard these things before and it made me feel worse. It made me want to hide and made me feel alone.
If you know someone that has anxiety, be there for them. Let them know they can talk to you. Let them know you will help them through it. Have compassion, and let them know they are not alone.
If your suffering, speak up, reach out, and ask for help.
I have really good days and really bad days. I want and need more of the better days and in order for that to happen I need to stand up to my OCD.
I recently shared a story called Resisting The Urge. In that post I explained about the “problem” I have when making my bed. Well I also have a “problem” when cleaning the couch.
I have a sectional L shaped couch. It has 5 bottom removable cushions and 6 backside removeable cushions. Every week I remove each cushion and wipe out any crumbs or items that get lost in the couch.
It shouldn’t take me to long because it usually doesn’t have much to be cleaned out.
I have mentioned in past posts, my OCD “thoughts” will have me cleaning things regardless if it needs it or not.
Anyway back to my couch story, here is the process I go through when cleaning the couch.
First, I use a rag and wipe off the whole couch. Second, I remove the first cushion and wipe any crumbs out. Third, I put the cushion back. I then proceed to clean under the remaining cushions.
Now heres the tricky part, as I am cleaning the very last cushion, and then placing it back, the minute I let go of it, I have to have a “happy thought” in my head. It has to be at that exact moment my hand lets go of the last cushion. Because if I have a “bad” thought, in that moment, guess what I have to do?……You guessed it, I have to go back to the first cushion and do it all over again.
I know this may sound a little confusing, I tried to explain it the best I could.
I have NEVER been able to do this only once. It usually takes about 4 times, but I have gone all the way to about 28 times. 28 times! 28 is one of my “good” numbers.
I have been doing E.R.P therapy the last few months. For info on E.R.P click here: (https://iocdf.org/ ) It’s very hard work but I want to learn how to live with OCD and not let it control me. E.R.P therapy will help me get there.
If I can stay strong and continue to resist doing things more then once, I will finally be in charge and NOT OCD.
So back to the couch. I cleaned it once. I started to clean it a second time, because those unwanted horrible thoughts were becoming more and more difficult to sit with, BUT I stopped myself.
I STOPPED MYSELF FROM GIVING IN
I’m trying so hard to be in control. Im trying to stand up to those dam thoughts.
I know some of you don’t understand why it’s so hard for me. You probably read this and think how can this woman do these things so many times just because of some thoughts in her head.
I wish there was a way to help you understand how difficult it really is. I wish there was a way to help you understand I’m not really crazy, it just sounds like I am. Lol
Try to imagine having such strong thoughts telling you if you don’t do something then you or someone you love will get hurt. Those thoughts and feelings are horrible. Even though you know it sounds crazy, and even though you know you can’t control the outcome, you don’t have that “magical power” you just don’t want to take that chance. You can’t take the risk. You couldn’t handle something like that happening so you do what you can to make the thought go away.
Only the thoughts don’t go away. If they do they come right back.. So your stuck in the crazy cycle of repeatedly doing something that should have been done once.
A THOUGHT IS JUST A THOUGHT
Today, I will not repeat cleaning my couch. Today I will use whatever tools I have memorized and apply it to this situation. Today if I can accomplish this then I will be another step closer to winning.
Tomorrow I may not be able to do this. Tomorrow I may not be as strong. Tomorrow I might go back and clean my couch.
But today I will not. Today I stand up and face my OCD, I will not back down.
Have a wonderful week.
If you are struggling, no matter what it is, please speak up and ask for help.