Yay Me

Hello everyone hope all is well in your part of the world. Here in California we are getting all kinds of different weather.  Sunshine, rain, sunshine, and rain.

It doesn’t rain as often as I would like so when it finally comes I really enjoy it.

Yesterday the rain stopped for a few hours so I went for a country drive with my teenage son. Everything was so green from the rain, it was a beautiful drive.

I wanted to take him to one of his favorite hiking trails but about half way there the anxiety came. I turned off the road and started heading closer to home. My teenager was very understanding.

As I turned back for home I could feel my anxiety getting worse. I pulled over and just then my oldest son called me. He asked what we were up to for the day and I explained the drive, anxiety, and that we were headed home. My kids all know about my anxiety and they know how to help get me through it.

Between my teenage son that was in the car with me, and my oldest son that was on the phone, I was able to bring the anxiety down and stop it from getting worse. It did take a bit but what a relief it was when I finally started feeling normal again.

My sons encouraged me to turn the car around and continue up towards our original destination. So seat belts on, and music playing loudly, off we went up the hill.

I don’t know how or why my anxiety disappeared but it did and I was able to enjoy the rest of the afternoon. On the way home I realized it. I felt great. There was no panic throughout our walk and I was able to laugh and enjoy the rest of the day with my son.

I don’t understand the way our brains work. I don’t understand how one minute I can feel so scared and the next minute I can be laughing and enjoying life. Same goes when I have my panic attacks. One minute I’m perfectly fine and the next I think I am going to pass out. I don’t understand.

I am trying to live a happier life. I am trying to change things for the better. Sometimes things go great and then sometimes my brain will have a “mental moment”. But, I keep trying to push through. I keep trying to get better, keep trying to be happy, keep trying to reach my goals.

I know I have mentioned this in my last two posts, but recently I took my mental health break. As soon as I started feeling a little better I told myself to get out and enjoy the sunshine.  Normally I wouldn’t do this. Normally when feeling the stress and worry from my ocd I would stay home and not leave the house until I was completely convinced I was better.

I didn’t do this though.  This time I pushed myself to get out. Even though I pushed myself I still felt that anxiety and it almost ruined my day.  I almost turned around and went home. But I didn’t.

I have to acknowledge that.  I have to acknowledge every time I am able to push through, every time I am able to move forward, and everytime I am able to reach a new mental health goal.

Today I am proud of myself.  Tomorrow may be different.  Tonight might be different.  But for today, at this moment, I am proud. Yay me.

Well wishes,

Christina

Weekly Smile

Hello everyone hope your all doing great. As for me, things are moving along quite smoothly.

I decided to pull my yarn and hooks out of the closet and start crocheting again. I taught myself a few years back by watching YouTube videos, and I absolutely loved it.

Crocheting is one of the things I started doing to help with my anxiety. It was actually helping for a while. The reason I ended up taking a break from crocheting was because of my ocd. Yep good ole ocd once again had to interfere with something that was bringing me happiness.

As most of you already know, with my type of ocd, I am constantly repeating things. That was also the case where my crocheting was concerned. I found myself crocheting a row, only to redo that row, and it was causing me so much anger and frustration that I finally just stopped altogether.

That was about two years ago. I can’t believe I stopped crocheting for two years due to ocd. But the good news is I am back to crocheting and I am determined to not let ocd stop me.

I have worked hard over the years trying to get my mental health under control. I have my good days and my bad days, but I am focusing on having more good days.

Now when I crochet, I no longer let my ocd control me. Yes the bad thoughts are still there, and yes I do give in a little. But, I am not repeating every row and I am not giving into the ocd like I did a couple years ago when I was crocheting.

If you read my posts you know that I still struggle badly with ocd. So any type of victory is worth sharing and definitely worth smiling about. I love making crochet items. Its fun, its relaxing, and the finished result is rewarding. Yay something to put a smile on my face ☺

To learn more about the Weekly Smile Check out Trent’s page here.

Prompt for Thursday

What’s something most people don’t understand?

Now this question is one that I definitely have an answer for.  OCD

So many people do not understand ocd. I realize this more and more everyday day. Whether it be a random stranger or someone I know personally. Social media, people that joke or create memes, even shows on television get wrong.

Ocd is a serious mental illness and can be very very difficult to deal with. If you aren’t quite sure what ocd is, Please click here to learn about it. And if you would like to know even more, Please read my story here.

If you or someone you know is struggling with ocd and need someone to talk to please email me at webbblogs@yahoo.com

Have a wonderful day,

Christina

What Is OCD?

This is a re-post. I wrote it when I first started this blog. Since I mainly write about life with ocd, I figured I should explain it in better detail. This post is meant to educate and spread awareness.

First off, I am not a medical professional.  What you are reading is what I have either personally researched or have personally gone through.

I decided to write about this because I recently relized that not many people know what OCD is.  Also, I have heard the phrase “I’m so OCD” about a thousand times.  Usually by someone that doesn’t quite know the meaning.

As most of you already know,  I am a longtime OCD sufferer.  So in my opinion, who better to get a finer understanding of the illness then from someone who lives with it?

Some people think OCD is when a person has to have things done or placed a certain way.  They think people with OCD have a hard time when things aren’t perfect and are out of place.  They also think people with ocd wash their hands a couple more times than others do.  Even though this may be correct,  I’m here to tell you it is also much much worse than that. 

I’m going to try and explain it in my own words, plain and simple without all the medical terminology.  Once again, I am NOT a medical professional.

Ocd stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Obsessions are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges.  Compulsions are the things we (someone with ocd) do to get rid of the thoughts.  These thoughts are usually accompanied by extreme fear, doubt, and guilt causing us to do things in a repetitive behavior.

To give a better understanding or an example,  an OCD sufferer may have a “thought” that something terrible will happen to themselves, or a loved one, if they don’t “tap” an object a certain number of times. That thought is so strong and so intense, they will continue to touch or tap until the feeling lessens or until it “feels right”. They can continue with this behavior from 2 to 100 times……or in some cases, more.  Others may make their bed a number of times.  Some may need to wash their hair or hands repeatedly in order to feel clean. 

Giving in and doing these things is usually referred to as “rituals“.  Another great example of ocd behaviors are the mental compulsions.  Someone will repeat a “good” thought, a single word, even picture an image, over and over in order to get rid of the bad thoughts. 

Some OCD sufferers like me for instance , engage in these behaviors throughout the day.  The more I “give in” the harder it is for me to resist it the next time.

Anyone can get OCD, it does not matter your age, sex, or race.

Keep in mind that those are just a few examples.

OCD Sub-Types

There are many more varieties of OCD.  From what I have learned through my own research and experience is there are different categories with OCD.  Some experience contamination issues, some struggle with health related OCD, there’s also religious, and even harm OCD.  Some of us have “good” and “bad” numbers. There are many more sub-types.  One may struggle with one form, and others may struggle with all.

I know you might be wondering why can’t we just do things one time, or why can’t we just ignore the thought.  It’s just not that easy.  The thought is so powerful and extremely strong and very very irritating. 

Deep down we know everything will be ok,  we know doing something repeatedly doesn’t make sense and its not going to change anything, but the OCD tells us otherwise, and that makes us unsure.  OCD sufferers can’t handle unsure or uncertainty.

Some people spend a few hours, and some will spend all day giving into the OCD or the “rituals”. It causes a lot of stress and anxiety in someone’s life. It can be extremely exhausting and in some cases even debilitating. 

In my case, my OCD is there all day. Meaning, all day I’m doing rituals. All day I repeat, repeat, and repeat, leaving me very tired and sometimes irritable.

Treatment

In my opinion, the best way to treat OCD is with medication and therapy.  The most effective type of therapy is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). More specifically, the best type of CBT is called Exposure and Response Prevention.  (ERP). 

ERP is usually done with a licensed mental health professional although some people like myself have tried it on their own, which I don’t really recommend unless you think you don’t need a professional.

There is so much more to know and learn. I just gave a small definition. If you or someone you know has OCD, or if you want more information, I highly recommend checking out the International Ocd Foundation (IOCDF) website.  https://iocdf.org/ as well as speaking to your medical provider.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, please Reach Out, Speak Up, And Ask For Help. Nobody should go through it alone.