OCD AND ME

I grew up in the 80’s when mental health wasn’t talked about much and if it was I never heard about it.

I knew I was different. I new something wasn’t right in my brain and because of that, I was terrified I was going to die.

I couldn’t understand why I would do things so many times like count, touch, write, walk, cough, blink, actually pretty much everything I did I would do repeatedly. It was frustrating and extremely exhausting.

A great example of my behavior for those of you that are not familiar with ocd is washing my hair 8 times. Yes 8 times. I would wash my hair repeatedly because if I didn’t I would think something bad would happen.

As the years went by I learned how to accept my strange behavior and I also learned how to hide it. To this day Im still wondering how my loved ones did not notice the odd ball things I would do.

I finally heard the words obsessive compulsive disorder and the meaning of it about 10 years ago. Imagine how thrilled I was to know I was not the only one that had this and that there was a name for it.

I started learning about ocd. I would watch any show and read any article that talked about it. I learned there is no cure but there is treatment if that makes any sense. Basically the “experts” say to not give in to the compulsions, to live with the uncertainty.

Today Im trying a lot of things. Im trying to tell myself these thoughts are just ocd and they mean nothing. Im trying to do things only once instead of over and over. Im trying to remember ocd is a mental illness and I’m not the only one that suffers with it. I’m trying and learning how to cope with this illness.

I don’t want to be stuck in my head anymore. I want to enjoy life, find my happy place, and explore the things that bring me joy. Its going to be hard to discover these things. It’s going to take some hard work. I’m finally ready to try, to take that first step towards a happier fulfilling life. I’m ready to start this new journey one step at a time.

Published by WebbBlogs

Just learning how to enjoy life with ocd. My mental health has been interfering with my daily activities for far to long and now that Im 50 its about time I start enjoying life and taking chances.

48 thoughts on “OCD AND ME

  1. I can’t imagine how you felt, not knowing what was going on, but knowing that ‘something’ wasn’t right. I do hope you have sought out treatment for some of the compulsions; you too deserve to live a happy, carefree life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love learning new things so when I stumbled on OCD articles I read all I could too. The gurus say try not to give in but when you’ve done it for so long, I imagine it can be hard. Keep moving forward.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I grew up in the 1970s, when the phrase “mental health” did not exist, and you were either crazy or weak for not being able to just “suck it up and deal with life.” Thank goodness we are moving towards a better place to speak of these things. Thanks for putting your life out there.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I was also thrilled to get the diagnosis of OCD. It was such a relief to realize I wasn’t insane. My worst issue at work was checking an envelope dozens of times to make sure I hadn’t put the wrong information in it. Then I was convinced that every black bag on the road was full of kittens… Thank goodness for Prozac – it has really helped me (plus exposure therapy). Good luck on your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s so liberating to realize that you aren’t alone, that you’re not crazy, and that there is a way to live a full and happy life with ocd. I’m so glad you’re experimenting, trying different behaviors, and using self talk. Yay for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can imagine what you went through knowing that something is wrong with you but don’t know what it is. I have been there and the stress and frustration inside my mind was terrible. My thing was physical so lets say I was cured in a way, but I also have my issues and I have to live them. I am glad to read that now that you know what it is you also find your way to live with it. Thank you for this post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes the stress and frustration can be alot to handle sometimes. Hope you are finding ways to cope and improve what you are going through. Thank you so much for reading and communicating on my post. πŸ™‚

      Like

  7. Good for you! Spread awareness.
    I was in an abusive marriage when I was very young, but after a little while I decided that helping spread awareness (warning signs, etc) was more important than being embarrassed to talk about it!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi, I read your post earlier but couldn’t comment at the time. Anyway, this post really moved me.
    “I couldn’t understand why I would do things so many times like count, touch, write, walk, cough, blink, actually pretty much everything I did I would do repeatedly. It was frustrating and extremely exhausting.”
    This is exactly me. One of the very first poems I wrote was about the stupid blinking. I grew up in the 90s and discovered OCD 2 years ago. I’ve been really afflicted by this ‘just right OCD’ especially in the last few years, but it’s always been there. Your post really helped me to feel less alone. Even when learning about OCD I often feel alone with Just Right OCD as it just doesn’t match up with 90% of descriptions of OCD. There are so many facets to this aren’t there?

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      1. Oh yes there definitely are. I have also noticed on a lot of Ocd websites they mention and name a lot of Ocd “subtypes” but because there are so many they only list a few and the most common forms. But yes there are a lot. I totally understand the blinking…..sorry you also experience this. Thank you for your comments, it’s comments like yours that make me happy with my decision to open up about my OCD. πŸ’–

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  9. My heart goes out to you. I have a few friends with OCD and I’ve watched them live in a prison of fear. Know that we care and that here, you’re safe from judgement. β€πŸ€—πŸ’

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just last night I remembered that in addition to checking all the locks and light switches (and the toaster, can opener, etc) before going to bed, I needed to inspect the hall closets on either side of the front door. I had to do this from all angles as I worried that 2 dimensional beings might be in there sandwiched between the coats. My father remembers none of this and my mother died a long time ago. As a parent myself now, I can’t understand how my father can’t recall any of this. I did it every night often delaying going to bed for quite a while. I’m not sure if I would have benefited by my parents empathizing and talking with me about my OCD tendencies. In the seventies, I’m not sure there was a name for it yet. OCD is a lonely affliction. I can’t recall how I felt about this, if I thought I was odd. Weird episode in my life. It went away when I started up with pot and alcohol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jeff for commenting. πŸ™‚ I headed over to your blog this morning and I’m really enjoying it. 😁 I’m reading some of your older posts first, getting familiar with who is who. 😁

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  11. Having studied and worked as a psychiatrist, I am aware of the misconceptions about mental health, and how little information there is, although, as you say, things have improved in recent years, but not to the level they should be. It is good to know you are trying different techniques, and I am sure that sharing and talking about it will help not only you, but also other people with similar experiences. Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We often don’t notice odd behaviour of our loved ones. They can be very good at hiding their symptoms. We lost someone in the family by suicide. We had no idea this person was depressed.

    Liked by 1 person

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