Yay Me

Hello everyone hope all is well in your part of the world. Here in California we are getting all kinds of different weather.  Sunshine, rain, sunshine, and rain.

It doesn’t rain as often as I would like so when it finally comes I really enjoy it.

Yesterday the rain stopped for a few hours so I went for a country drive with my teenage son. Everything was so green from the rain, it was a beautiful drive.

I wanted to take him to one of his favorite hiking trails but about half way there the anxiety came. I turned off the road and started heading closer to home. My teenager was very understanding.

As I turned back for home I could feel my anxiety getting worse. I pulled over and just then my oldest son called me. He asked what we were up to for the day and I explained the drive, anxiety, and that we were headed home. My kids all know about my anxiety and they know how to help get me through it.

Between my teenage son that was in the car with me, and my oldest son that was on the phone, I was able to bring the anxiety down and stop it from getting worse. It did take a bit but what a relief it was when I finally started feeling normal again.

My sons encouraged me to turn the car around and continue up towards our original destination. So seat belts on, and music playing loudly, off we went up the hill.

I don’t know how or why my anxiety disappeared but it did and I was able to enjoy the rest of the afternoon. On the way home I realized it. I felt great. There was no panic throughout our walk and I was able to laugh and enjoy the rest of the day with my son.

I don’t understand the way our brains work. I don’t understand how one minute I can feel so scared and the next minute I can be laughing and enjoying life. Same goes when I have my panic attacks. One minute I’m perfectly fine and the next I think I am going to pass out. I don’t understand.

I am trying to live a happier life. I am trying to change things for the better. Sometimes things go great and then sometimes my brain will have a “mental moment”. But, I keep trying to push through. I keep trying to get better, keep trying to be happy, keep trying to reach my goals.

I know I have mentioned this in my last two posts, but recently I took my mental health break. As soon as I started feeling a little better I told myself to get out and enjoy the sunshine.  Normally I wouldn’t do this. Normally when feeling the stress and worry from my ocd I would stay home and not leave the house until I was completely convinced I was better.

I didn’t do this though.  This time I pushed myself to get out. Even though I pushed myself I still felt that anxiety and it almost ruined my day.  I almost turned around and went home. But I didn’t.

I have to acknowledge that.  I have to acknowledge every time I am able to push through, every time I am able to move forward, and everytime I am able to reach a new mental health goal.

Today I am proud of myself.  Tomorrow may be different.  Tonight might be different.  But for today, at this moment, I am proud. Yay me.

Well wishes,

Christina